Prehistoric Telephone Discovered Redefining Ancient Communication

Forget the Wheel! Forget Life on Mars! This Changes Everything!

When we think ‘technology of the ancients,’ we think of pyramids, Stonehenge, crossbows, and chariots; we don’t think of Caesar texting his invasion plans to his generals, or the ancient Celts posting selfies at a lunar festival!

Now, today, the paradigm has shifted. With the discovery of this over 2,000 year old cell phone “we basically need to rewrite history!” says preeminent archeologist Dr. Hubert Überstokerwald.

Brittany, France, 2015 in the plains just beyond the reaches of the sea lies an archaeological dig where in amongst the grass and rock appeared something rather extravagant. “It was the outline of a rock that seemed to imply the shape of a cell phone” commented student archaeologist Gemma Von Lappidow. “We all had a laugh” she continued. That was, until Dr. Überstokerwald briskly strolled over to inspect the find. Only his trained, keen eye could unravel the ancient mystery that was deftly sending signals towards him; as if receiving an ancient text from the era of the Celts some 3,000 years ago, Dr. Überstokerwald gently knelt down and exclaimed: “call 911.”

ancient prehistoric telephone cell phone

This discovery is so profound Dr. Überstokerwald was reputed to say “Forget the Wheel! Forget Life on Mars! This Changes Everything!” The implications for humanity are simply mind-numbing. Is this an extraterrestrial conspiracy? Is this a secret society conspiracy? Who really knows, however, it may explain how the great Charlemagne was able to keep such an active watch over his kingdoms. It may explain why Columbus was so off course, bad reception? It might also explain the shape and purpose of Stonehenge, those stones sure do look like ancient cell phones! Perhaps it was an homage to its ancient inventor. Ancient cell phones might also explain how technology moved from China to Italy.

It is so familiar, yet so unusual to our modern sensibilities. It may take scientists years to figure out just how this device was used. “There seem to be less keys” related one scientist, indicating that they may have used a base-5 system of counting. “It certainly makes me proud to be a cell phone user” remarked student archaeologist Gemma Von Lappidow. You heard it first here on!

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